My first DNF!

So I suppose it is only fair to mention my first DNF. I thought this would be a really soul-destroying, confidence-knocking experience but it actually wasn't at all. Far from it! In fact, once I had made the decision I felt only relief so I knew I had made the right choice and felt proud of myself that I now knew my body so well that I know when to push on and when to call it a day. It actually gave me confidence that on other training days where I have decided not to train and then panicked about losing fitness, where actually probably all decisions made for the right reasons!

So I headed to Lincolnshire to undertake the 156miles Flatout in the Fens race. I met up with some of the Pirates (athletes from the Runners World/Triathletes World forum) and set off for a long day in the saddle. I rode with the Pirates through the first aid station at about 20miles and was have a good day and feeling strong. Unfortunately after about an hour and a half the group I was riding with turned off to complete the 112mile course and I had to continue on my own on the 156mile course. Now it was a scorching, sweltering day and also England's QF match against Germany. I think both of these factors meant a lot of people had dropped down from the 156mile ride to the 112 and, as such, it was extremely lonely out on the course. I kept trying to remind myself that it would be like that in the Double, I'd be out by myself for ages and would be alone but actually I don't think that will be true. There will be around 70 athletes over a 16mile stretch so there will always be people about and you get to see your loved ones every hour or so for a good mental boost. I hadn't realised how much being around other people affects your mental state - normally I like to train on my own (certainly for running) and thought I worked best like that but now I realise that actually, for these huge distances, breaking it down with someone else works an absolute treat! Also, I hadn't factored in the fact that Adam leaving only 24hrs beforehand would affect me so much. When the Pirates left me to continue on their own route I actually felt totally abandoned and alone which obviously shows where my head was at.

So I continued on to about the 50mile point when I decided I would call it a day. I rang race control but was told no-one would be able to help me get back from where I was and could I make it to checkpoint 2. I said yes probably, how far was it? And was told 20-odd miles! That was ridiculous and I think really contributed to my downfall. To have an aid station at 20miles and then nothing until 72miles, especially in that heat, was absolutely ridiculous! I think if they had had an in-between one where I could have re-fuelled, had a chat with some people and re-focused I would have gone on to complete the day - I wasn't very impressed it has to be said! Anyway, I finally reached Checkpoint 2 to overhear the marshal going, "yep, well she's not here yet and anyway, what does she think we are, some kind of taxi service?!" I could tell they weret talking about me and despite not being particularly impressed with that attitude, I was inwardly amused when she got off the phone and blushed scarlet when she realised I had overheard the whole conversation! Anyway, it turned out I would only be picked up when the sag wagon got there in about 3 hours!! I though, thank goodness I didn't have some kind of medical emergency! Instead of waiting for 3 hours I decided I may aswell ride on as it would probably only take me that long to get back anyway!! So off I went. However, within 2 or 3miles there was a train station and I thought, blow this for a game of soldiers , let's see if I can get back by train.

I called the Trainline and managed (after an expensive and convoluted journey) to get back within 10miles of the start after an hour or so on the train. I was worried about getting the bike on but I had no problems and after I slumped down into my seat with a bottle of coke I knew it had absolutely been the right choice (despite the train conductor calling me a wimp!!! I genuinely think he had no idea what I had been doing - his idea of cycling was apparently a 7mile commute to work!!)

On arrival at the station I tried to get a taxi to collect me and take me the last 10miles but after some random bargaining ritual it was still going to cost me £27 quid which I couldn't afford so I set off to try and find the way back. After a frustrating jaunt through the town where I managed to end up back at the train station, I finally got comprehensive instructions and found the way back to the start. Physically I felt find on the way back and pushed it along for 10miles TT-esque which was a great confidence booster as I knew it wasn't that I wasn't physically capable today, my head just wasn't where it needed to be. It takes a huge amount of mental strength to do 156miles by yourself and I just couldn't find it today and I didn't want to try either. I almost felt that by dredging up the reserve I would need to complete it would almost use up some of the mental strength I am building to have to deal with the double. I want to be mentally ready for the Double, not mentally fatigued and I think completing the ride today would have had the most detrimental effect on this area.

So, whilst it was an unfinished job, it was a decision made for all the right reasons and one that has actually given me confidence in my ability to make good decisions about my body and also not required me to dig into the precious reserves of mental strength that I will so definitely need in a few weeks time. In hindsight (which is a wonderful thing!) I should probably have stuck with the pirates and completed the 112miles but I still managed around 90 by myself in the heat so, all in all, it was a good day's work!